A Mother's Story

My name is Jessica and I am the mother of four wonderful children. All of my children are unique and exquisite in their own special ways. One of my children is named Trevor and he is six years old. When Trevor was around age 3, I started noticing that he was not developing social skills as quickly as my older two children had. Since he was the baby at that time and still young I did not worry to much about it...I assumed that he would develop those key socilization skills as he got older.

Now fast forward a year, to when Trevor was 4 and still struggling with socialization skills and started showing behavorial issues, I knew there was something that had to be done before he started Kindergarten. I found Trevor a therapist and started a process of really trying to understand what was happening in my wonderful little boy's head. Therapy was working and Trevor was starting to express himself better and we were having more good days then bad.

Then came Kindergarten. That was when everything turned worse very quickly. Within two months Trevor was suspended and I was receiving 2 to 3 emails a day from the school reporting on what type of a disruption Trevor was being. My heart started breaking.

I would not give up though. I spent hours on end trying to talk to the teachers, the principal, the superintendent and the school board trying to explain to them that Trevor was not just a bad kid who was trying to be disruptive. We provided plans and tools to the school but we could not change their minds. They refused to acknowledge that Trevor had a problem with the development of the skills needed to help him with socialization and adapting to different situations in a positive manner...that he truly wanted help but that constant punishment was not the key. We went through this for a year with the school refusing to provide Trevor with the tools to help him develop the skills instead of punishing him.

My heart continued to break. I knew how wonderful my child was and I knew that I would not let him fall through the cracks. Since the school was not helping, we worked harder in therapy trying to undo the damage that was happening in school. We tried to teach him coping skills at home and in therapy, hoping he would start using them at school so he would have a fighting chance. That did not work. By the end of Kindergarten my son had been suspended twice and spent most of the last two months sitting at a desk outside of the principal's office.

Summer was great and Trevor kept showing more and more improvement. Then we started the dreaded first Grade. I prayed and prayed that this year would be different...that Trevor was going to be successful. Not so much. By October we were right back to where we were in Kindergarten.

I made a decision. I pulled Trevor out of that school district. He has now been attending another school for three weeks. Everything was going smoothly for the first two weeks and now the problems are starting again. The other day I found out that the new school had made Trevor do timeout in a supply room and would not let him out until he admitted to his negative disruptive behavior and apologized for his actions.

Yesterday I found this website and Lives in the Balance and learned about what has been missing. I actually cried listening to Dr. Ross Greene describe my son and all the hardships and frustrations we have been dealing with for years now. First they were tears of sadness because it has been a very hard road...not only for me but for my Trevor...and to hear someone you do not even know be able to explain what you have been going through is very emotional. Then they became tears of happiness, because I finally have hope.

I have only started working on this for a couple of days but I have a fresh new outlook and a plan. No more banging my head up against a wall and feeling like I have to wait for the next problem. At this time I am bringing a plan to his therapist and to the school and my hope is that Trevor finally gets to be that great child he has always wanted to be. Thank you.